Sometimes it’s really hard for me to write about what’s going on in my little mind. Inside all of this mush, there are multiple tabs open. I know I am never really in tune with my surroundings or paying attention to what others are saying based off of that. I also am just terrible at expressing myself through words in fear of a negative reaction but I do owe it to myself to try and write the tabs out. I haven’t really written out what I’m thinking or feeling in a very long time. I haven’t really posted anything decent since May. It’s time to light this candle again so here goes nothing.
I am tired all of the time. I work forty a week, I’m in school focusing on two different programs, and I’m trying to hustle with my art. I want to get into interior design. Also fashion design. I want to open a business (which you’ll never know what of until it is actually in fruition). It’s exhausting thinking about what the future beholds. I get slightly insecure about dumb little things from time to time. The wise and old say twenty-seven is one of the best years of your life. This is the year that everything falls into place and everything that has happened before, begins to make sense. It is true that I had an unforgettable start to my twenty-seventh birthday this year with the most amazing, resilient, sincerely loving, and kickass group of girlfriends. It was definitely a bonus that I was able to fully enjoy my birthday with smiles and laughter after acing an exam I flunked my freshman year of undergrad. Tackling my demons and fighting back silently is something I have been doing since my return back home from Paris. Yes, there have been a few distractions and slip ups in my road to success this year that have hurt my heart but I’m still working rigorously to where I want to be. It’s unfortunate that things have affected my emotions or feelings but I know it’s nothing compared to where I have come. No, I don’t let my “baggage” control me but I know surely one thing is in cement. –> My hard work, my growth, my peace of mind, my stability, and my strength – I’ll be damned if anything gets in the way of what I’ve built for myself, especially after the rough few years I’ve encountered.
Every time the walls start to come crashing down and I want to crawl into a dark place, I remind my then weak and vulnerable self of where I was and where I am at now. Don’t read this and roll your eyes because I know everyone has been in this place. It is a raw and real feeling. This is the chaotic storm that brews in all of us, we have all felt it. It has triggered anxiety or sometimes high tension. When it has happened, I remember to breath. I remember all of the strong people in my life. I remember that life isn’t meant to be so serious. Then I say, my life is meant to be enjoyed, to be celebrated, everyday. I guess I’ll always be able to pick back up when something goes awry. There will always be time, there will always be another chance to get an A, and there will always be love to be had. The things I want are coming my way. Slowly yes, but slow and steady always won the race.
For the times I have felt short, I want to thank chocolate at my side, Sex and the City or Grey’s Anatomy running, or just dancing it out in my favorite gay bar on my favorite street of bars.
Valley Girl Accent Who Still Can’t Pronounce Certain English Words Correctly (Second Language Probz) Who Is Always Stressing Over Anything and Everything